I have the best intentions.
In September 2015 I spoke as a breakout speaker at Oak Hill Camp’s Ladies Day. My topic – Being in God’s Word daily. Guess with what I’ve struggled with since that day…
In September 2016, I spoke again at the same event on the topic of Following your Godly Passion. At that time I had a PLAN all laid out for the next few years. I was excited – on fire – to get back to what I started college as a sweet 18 year old for… teaching middle or high school.
The plan in September was that by right now, I’d have my license to teach Middle School Math. I’d be using Fridays to sub in the middle school math classes in Henrico. My goal – to be in the classroom as a full-time teacher in September 2017.
Then, an amazing chance came up… something that I would never have said I felt “called to”, but I really did. Maybe it was that I had such amazing cheerleaders cheering me on to apply for the opportunity. Maybe I just loved the idea of the place I’d be working at…
Either way, that didn’t pan out. It evidently wasn’t in God’s plan.
BUT, what was in God’s plan was a conversation that my husband and I had over the Christmas Holiday about IF that plan didn’t come to fruition, I still would not be going back to work full-time this Fall. I felt such peace and even more excitement with that decision! I get to stay at North Run teaching 3- and 4-year-old littles about colors and numbers and letters and shapes and JESUS. AND I get to be HOME for Joe’s first year of elementary school. That’s one thing I discovered in December that I really wanted. I don’t want to miss going to the zoo as a chaperone. I don’t want to miss out on any way I can actually help at their school that I can’t do now because he’s not a student (due to insurance liability there are very few opportunities to help during the school day with a little one in tow).
I’ll get to go on their school’s sub list and sub there on Fridays as needed. What a blessing!
So, I still sit here and wonder what God’s plan is for me…
I’m 39 and I’m still not 100% sure…
One tiny decision at a time feels right, when there are moments that I just want a timeline laid out for me.
Just once, I’d like to say something publicly to a group of women and not have it come back to bite me… I’m still in God’s Word, but that “regular time” thing doesn’t work out each day. Really – I used to get up every day at 5:15 to do my Bible Study homework and I can barely drag myself out of bed to get Ella up and ready for school right now… or for the past year plus.
My Godly Passion… I was SURE I had that figured out, but I’m discovering that maybe God wants my passion focused on my kids and how I can best serve them and teach them for the time being. Ella asked this weekend to start a daily devotion time.
So that’s what’s next.
Getting myself refocused on my time alone with God (oh, mercy, 5:15 is early… but any other time of the day I’m not alone and once the kids are in bed we’re lucky if I’m awake long enough to use the restroom and brush my teeth).
Getting Ella up 10 minutes early to do a devotion with me – just us as often as Joe will sleep that extra 10 minutes.
Prayers are always appreciated, friends. I often fail after I declare something… I’d like to NOT fail at pointing my kids to Jesus.
As for that job I didn’t get – someone got it and is rocking it.
I’m enjoying getting to see them take the reins and make it their own.
Ministering Through My Mess 