I’ve shared a couple of my older posts this weekend – one about being content and one about myself as a mother. I promise, I’m not getting down on myself unnecessarily or lamenting my failures.
We all have failures, don’t we? And one of the best things to do on occasion is to look at ourselves clearly and make the changes that need to be made. This could be hairstyle, weight, wardrobe, or a real change with our behavior and attitude.
One of my biggest shortfalls is that I react to my kids and husband very, very quickly – and not usually in a good (healthy) way. I expect the kids’ room to be clean, but I have a stack of boxes with some clothes on top of them in my own room. When I walk into their room and it’s a wreck, I loose it. When I’m not in a touchy-feely mood (that mood is rare for me), I snap if someone touches me “too much.” When my kids start yelling at each other, I yell at them. I react in anger quite often and that needs to change.
I read a poem? concept? something about pausing before you react to the world and people around you. Over the course of the last two weeks with my kids at home and the last week with my husband home I’ve discovered that I do not incorporate the pause at home very well – with the people who matter the most to me.
So that’s my word for 2017 – PAUSE
I’m going to work on pausing before reacting to my kids & husband – and let it bleed over into the rest of my world, though I already pause better there.
And an update:
My last post announced that I had something big going on. Well, that something big didn’t come to be, but it did help me redefine some priorities.
God loves it when I make plans and especially when I make big public declarations of those plans.
I taught a break out session at this past Fall’s Women’s Retreat with Oak Hill Camp. My topic was Godly Passion. I had just finished going through some meetings about going back to work full-time teaching middle school math and I was PUMPED about all the opportunities there and fulfilling a plan I made 15 years ago and never got to follow through.
Then, a really cool part-time job was coming open at my church. I’d be getting paid to work for God – something I’ve done in the past and regretted walking away from. I was so sure I’d get it, too. I had several big time cheerleaders behind me on the position I was seeking and I really did feel like it was a sure thing. I starting putting things into place to make it work and told a few people it would affect.
I even talked to Jeff about wanting it to be my goal instead of teaching full time. I want to have a more flexible schedule next year when Joe is in kindergarten. I want to be his room mom and go on field trips – something my current job and the job I was seeking would allow.
It didn’t happen. I didn’t get the job, but will support the person who did in every way I can. Church folks reading this – please know that I’m not disappointed. I just know God has something else in mind.
Maybe he wants me to go through with teaching full-time, so he didn’t want me to take this path into something that would prevent that for more than a couple years while I get Joe settled into elementary school. I do miss working with teens full time & miss my sarcasm landing instead of soaring over the heads of my 3 & 4 year olds.
So, tomorrow I go back to the preschool I’ve come to love and DREAD leaving if that day ever comes. I’ll work at North Run for the rest of my working days if I can make it work. Honestly, while I never saw myself working with preschoolers, I love it more than I ever thought I would and would miss it.
I’ll continue in my volunteer positions at church (something that would’ve had to go if I’d gotten the job) and love the people and kids I work with in those.
I’ll keep my ears & heart open to God’s leading in the next couple of years to see where He’s really leading me.
Over and over again I hear the song, “Thy Will”. Melanie Savage sang it in church a few months ago. I’d heard it before, but really paying attention to the words when she sang it made it become a focus when it comes on. Funnily, it played on the way TO and FROM church yesterday – the day the new position started with someone else in it.
Obviously, God is telling me that HIS WILL is at work and I need not fear or worry.
I know he sees me.
I know he hears me.
His plans are for me.
Goodness he has in store.
But first, I PAUSE…
Ministering Through My Mess 